on consumerism

i realized today just how deeply seeded good old american culture is within me. after over a year in morocco, i was nearly certain that most vestiges of greed and jealousy had disappeared. the battle between want versus need had become crystal clear and i was thoroughly disgusted with the attitude of consumerism that rules the US, going so far as to vow never to bow to that lifestyle upon returning. interesting how sure confidence in something quickly leads to a humbling discovery of that which is contrary. suddenly today, without warning or any apparent stimulus, i had the urge to be thrust into the middle of a shopping center, browsing the latest fashion for summer (or maybe they've already got a start on the fall fashions?). to feel the bustle of everyone streaming through the store, purchases in hand, dressed for the heat with decorated sandals and oversized sunglasses. to blend for once, into the pot of anonymity and numbers. to have my hair styled rather than forced into elastic for the seventh successive day. i even recalled that it isnt acceptable to wear the same outfit for 4 days in a row, even if it isnt dirty. and dont let me fool you into thinking that i dont indulge here. i do. but differently. instead of new shoes that i dont need anyway, i buy cheese so that i can make a grilled cheese sandwich. definitely not a necessity, but sometimes it feels like one when i just need a hint of america for the day. and rather than having a new haircut, i indulge in a trip to the hamam when i could simply heat up water on my stove. but to be really clean, even if only for a day, can be a huge luxury. and apparently, the attitude of wanting new superfluous items, and lusting after what others have is something i will struggle with always, even if it has receded a bit during my stay here. at any rate, it was a good warning for me to not let my guard down, because i dont want my life to be focused on that which doesnt truly matter in the end. but also a reminder that an occasional meal of melted indulgence wont probably lead to my downfall.