God does not, by the instant gift of His Spirit, make us always feel right, desire good, love purity, aspire after Him and His Will. therefore either He will not, or He cannot. if He will not, it must be because it would not be well to do so. if He cannot, then He would not if He could; else a better condition than God's is conceivable to the mind of God...the truth is this: He wants to make us in His own image, choosing the good, refusing the evil. how should He effect this if He were always moving us from within, as He does at divine intervals, toward the beauty of holiness?...for God made our individuality as well as, and a greater marvel than, our dependence; made our apartness from Himself, that freedom should bind us divinely dearer to Himself, with a new and inscrutable marvel of love; for the Godhead is still at the root, is the making root of our individuality, and the freer the man, the stronger the bond that binds him to Him who made his freedom.
-george macdonald
20.5.08
on culture shock
my family recently spent some time with me in morocco and i was reminded of how painful parts of my adjustment were here, as well as given the opportunity to see the extent to which ive adapted to life here. interesting to note because many changes ive made have been so gradual, or made out of necessity rather than conscious decision, that they have not been acknowledged. touring with my family opened up an opportunity to practice these cultural adaptations, whether i was conscious of doing so or not, and gain a perspective of morocco from eight eyes taking in everything for the first time. the flow of language that swirls in a confusing stream, the accusing smells that attack your senses, aggressive vendors and taxi drivers who are simply doing their job, flavors unfamiliar consumed in an unknown manner, not always having access to clean bathrooms or sanitary foods. all these factors i accept without question, but for visitors they can seem invasive and uncomfortable. to the extent of my observation my family enjoyed their time overseas, despite possibly feeling overwhelmed or unprepared at times. i do feel slight guilt over not having prepared them more adequately - i toted morocco as 'having much nicer living conditions that you probably imagine'. but i made an assumption both about their imaginings of my life here, as well as their definition of nice (which is probably quite different than my definition). nonetheless, they were able to see much of the moroccan countryside, compare village life to the city scene, cram into a grand (debatable) taxi, learn some arabic phrases, ride camels on the beach, eat the large variety of foods available (including snails and fresh figs), and most importantly, obtain a more accurate picture of my life here while appreciating family time. there were no serious illnesses or injuries, and if the trip was different than anticipated, 'mushki mushkil' as melita would say in her interesting interpretation of arabic. (i know shes saying 'wait - thats not right? ive been saying it to david all week! how do you say it?'). its 'mashi mushkil' and means 'no problem' - the main thing is the experience of a different culture and the application of that knowledge, rather than whether expectations meet reality. it was a wonderful experience for me, and the family time as well as the new perspective on morocco was very valuable and appreciated. but maybe those of you planning on visiting should call a family member of mine before venturing out to my second home.
on lying
a lie. for the majority of my existence, lying has been exposed not only as a bad habit, but also a sign of misguided morals. thus i have tried to live accordingly, going so far as to extend the definition of lying as to include: not directly answering questions so as to mislead one, providing only partial information so as to avoid negative portions of a story, and remaining silent if i know the truth, but its revelation could prove detrimental. enter morocco. since arriving, i have found that more often than not, telling the truth can put me in more trouble than remaining silent or telling a partial truth. mentally, this is distressing because i want to tell the truth at all times, but also need to adapt to cultural expectations without inducing large amounts of stress. example one: a young man on the street approaches, obviously intent upon starting a conversation. first words 'hello gazelle, are you married?' i could reply with a truthful no and then struggle to convince him to leave me alone for the next half hour, or i can say yes and be free to continue about my business. or i could wave a jeweled finger at him, let him assume what he wants, and continue on. (but isnt that both a little flirtatious and also on the border of a mistruth?) then theres the phone business. countless people (primarily men) request my phone number and here comes the risky business of either saying 'my phone is only for work' (a lie), 'i dont want to give you my number' (the truth, but rude...and ive had policemen ask for my number - you definitely dont want to be rude to authorities here...although i have used this with other unwelcome individuals), or i say 'give me your number' (which conveys interest - not good - and is usually followed by pleas for a promise to call later). therefore, i usually say my phone is for work. example two: i absolutely cannot force myself to drink another cup of moroccan tea but must go to the store to buy food for lunch. problem being that an invitation to tea is inevitable on my journey to the store. if i respond 'i dont have time' this implies that i dont want to visit and is also a lie because most days i can sacrifice a couple hours for someone. if i respond 'i just drank some' that is most definitely a lie because i dont make moroccan tea for myself. i suppose i could begin sipping some from an on-supply store in my house before each trip outside. i could say 'i dont want it' (the truth) but this insinuates i dont want to spend time with that individual. and forget about trying to explain that you will visit but not drink their tea - what an affront to culture! so most days, i use the 'im busy' excuse and schedule another day that week to visit when tea might sound a little more palatable. then there are the questions that follow anytime i leave my village - natural for moroccans but intrusive and annoying for me. where did you go? who did you go with? what did you do? why? how much money did you spend? my answers have turned into the following: ive just been in morocco. my friends. we walked around and saw things. we wanted to. i dont remember. these anwers are not entirely truthful, or rather they are such broad truths that they seem lies. however, i feel most at peace with these latter responses. vague but still true. but its not always possible to get away with them - people are incredibly adept at probing. the longer im here, the more straightforward i am with people, for my own conscience - and ive found that with a lot of people, truthful answers are brushed off as 'foreigner ignorance and rudeness' and dont impair the friendships that i want to keep. but some days, the option to tell a partial truth (or even an outright lie) is a lot more appealing than a half hour conversation trying to explain my honesty.
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