on lying

a lie. for the majority of my existence, lying has been exposed not only as a bad habit, but also a sign of misguided morals. thus i have tried to live accordingly, going so far as to extend the definition of lying as to include: not directly answering questions so as to mislead one, providing only partial information so as to avoid negative portions of a story, and remaining silent if i know the truth, but its revelation could prove detrimental. enter morocco. since arriving, i have found that more often than not, telling the truth can put me in more trouble than remaining silent or telling a partial truth. mentally, this is distressing because i want to tell the truth at all times, but also need to adapt to cultural expectations without inducing large amounts of stress. example one: a young man on the street approaches, obviously intent upon starting a conversation. first words 'hello gazelle, are you married?' i could reply with a truthful no and then struggle to convince him to leave me alone for the next half hour, or i can say yes and be free to continue about my business. or i could wave a jeweled finger at him, let him assume what he wants, and continue on. (but isnt that both a little flirtatious and also on the border of a mistruth?) then theres the phone business. countless people (primarily men) request my phone number and here comes the risky business of either saying 'my phone is only for work' (a lie), 'i dont want to give you my number' (the truth, but rude...and ive had policemen ask for my number - you definitely dont want to be rude to authorities here...although i have used this with other unwelcome individuals), or i say 'give me your number' (which conveys interest - not good - and is usually followed by pleas for a promise to call later). therefore, i usually say my phone is for work. example two: i absolutely cannot force myself to drink another cup of moroccan tea but must go to the store to buy food for lunch. problem being that an invitation to tea is inevitable on my journey to the store. if i respond 'i dont have time' this implies that i dont want to visit and is also a lie because most days i can sacrifice a couple hours for someone. if i respond 'i just drank some' that is most definitely a lie because i dont make moroccan tea for myself. i suppose i could begin sipping some from an on-supply store in my house before each trip outside. i could say 'i dont want it' (the truth) but this insinuates i dont want to spend time with that individual. and forget about trying to explain that you will visit but not drink their tea - what an affront to culture! so most days, i use the 'im busy' excuse and schedule another day that week to visit when tea might sound a little more palatable. then there are the questions that follow anytime i leave my village - natural for moroccans but intrusive and annoying for me. where did you go? who did you go with? what did you do? why? how much money did you spend? my answers have turned into the following: ive just been in morocco. my friends. we walked around and saw things. we wanted to. i dont remember. these anwers are not entirely truthful, or rather they are such broad truths that they seem lies. however, i feel most at peace with these latter responses. vague but still true. but its not always possible to get away with them - people are incredibly adept at probing. the longer im here, the more straightforward i am with people, for my own conscience - and ive found that with a lot of people, truthful answers are brushed off as 'foreigner ignorance and rudeness' and dont impair the friendships that i want to keep. but some days, the option to tell a partial truth (or even an outright lie) is a lot more appealing than a half hour conversation trying to explain my honesty.